the dice are tossed

So, a post about work stuff.... I've been at this current job since Aug 2004 and well, have never ever really felt like I fit in here. I don't really have any friends, no lunch buddies, no partners in crime, and worst of all no real work, no career development, no focus. I went from being completely billable and running some good project at my last job (but having a TON of other issues which made things horrible for me) to this place where I just float and bob from project to project.

I'm one of those types who doesn't mind working hard if I know my labor is a)valued and b)part of a master plan for my career development. I basically am a horse that needs a carrot dangled in front of me to get me motivated to work. I have to know that there are grand plans for me, be privy to them, have input, and *gasp* see those plans come to fruition once in a while.

Currently, I have none of that. My "job" is a shape shifting beast that changes on the whims of my managers. I rarely can predict what I'll be doing 2 weeks out, and frequently it seems my "value" to the team is merely being a scribe or database manager, with little opportunity to develop new skills. Case in point, I worked on a work plan to do some groundwater remediation, which is being designed by some engineer in one of our East Coast offices. Turns out, she's been in the office for the past 2 days and NO ONE has even thought that gee, it may be a good thing to introduce us, as supposedly, my work will be supporting her design efforts. I had to go figure out who she was and introduce myself to her. Later in the day, I was in Sr Project Manager's office and she came in, and he introduced me to her as essentially the "data manager" for the project. Not the Jr Engineer who's helping with the work plan and will be involved with design implementation in the future. Nope, I'm data manager. And keep in mind I've had my PE for 2 years. Whoopie freaking do.

These little disses really don't make me want to perform.

So, about 6 months ago we hired this guy who does pipeline permitting. He likes to drink beer after work. So do I. Gee, seems like we could be *gasp* buddies. What a novel concept! We both like to diss our company and complain about how bass-akwards everything is here. On multiple occasions, he's attempted to persuade me to switch from my remediation division to his pipeline division. I've always been hesitant, because, well, I have no idea what they do. And "permitting" scares me. I did wastewater permitting a few jobs ago and HATED it. Too much reading, too many regulations to pilfer through, not much creative thought. I like remediation work - when I'M DOING IT (which I'm really not lately). But life in my division is pretty miserable for me and I'm at the point where either I should a)find a new job doing remediation work or b)switch to the pipeline division. I haven't had the best of luck in the job hunt so I think I'll try pipeline for a bit. They have a "role" for me - going to a major oil company for their every-other-week status meetings and basically take notes and produce meeting minutes. Sounds a bit too "administrative" for me, but the advantage is a)face time with some important people and b)there is potential to learn a LOT about how these projects are run and what the industry is like.

So, we go to my division manager to pitch this "role" to him. And he's all shades of unhappy. "what about Erin's field work schedule?" ("the hell? I've been in the field 5 TIMES in 1.5 years") "what about Erin's role in this project?" (yeah, the one I was introduced as 'data manager') It did not go over well, which is ironic since I asked him about the potential about doing some pipeline work 2 months ago, and he was amenable to that proposition. This makes me want to jump to the pipeline group EVEN MORE because this guy apparently cannot think past a few weeks OR consider that I may want to branch out more. So, there may be a hostile jumping ship from one division to another in the next few months, which should be entertaining. I just hope I like what they do, or else I could be in a world of more unhappiness, at which point, I think I may just want to hide under a rock and make jewelry for the rest of my life....