Dear JJ Abrams:

Do you have any idea the trauma you have caused me in the past month? Ok, its not like you’ve messed up my life, but you sure as hell are screwing with my television life. First, you put Lost on a month long hiatus. A MONTH. You’ll be lucky if I remember what those numbers are and who Walt was. And don’t get me started on the lack of moving forward on your storyline or those “extra bonus minutes” for the Tailaway’s story. Extra minutes? More like heavy recycling of minutes that already aired.

Then there’s the news that officially broke my tv viewing heart. Alias is no more at the end of this season. Not that at this point, it’s any tragedy. I mean, you guys keep recycling plotlines (SD-6, The Covenant, Prophet 5? Just how many bad guys with multi-level bad-guy networks ARE there?). Then I’m convinced that your writing team is either drunk or they are really a pack of monkeys randomly pounding away on the keyboard. Because that’s the kind of crap you guys are putting on the show. The tiny helicopter of doom? Clifford the big red ball? And exactly how many times did we need to see this red ball in its various incarnations? Its crap. But hey – you’ve been too busy paying attention to your new shiny show Lost and living the good life in Hawaii to even notice that your old show, which was once great, has gone to hell. I guess you’re swayed by the ratings. You fickle bastard.

You took a show that kicked ass and made it blase. I still remember the first time I saw little Syd on her first mission with the red hair, set out to destroy the mini-Clifford red ball ‘o doom. Ever since then, I want to be her. Who doesn’t? Well, I want to have her job and skills, I could skip the part where all the people she loves die in some sort of tragic and violent fashion, and both of her parents at one point or another have tried to have her killed. But being able to kick ass while in heels and a skin-tight leather outfit? Hell yeah, where do I sign up?

My thoughts on the show thus far. Season 1 and 2. Awesome. Cliffhanger at the end of Season 2, I still can’t forgive you for that shock, but this is a good kind of shock. The “omg I can’t believe they just did that, that totally blew my mind!” kind of shock. Season 3 with Lauren – ew. MAJOR let down after the cliffhanger. Such potential to do something cool, but yet…. nothing. Season 4… well, that was the drunken monkey season. Oh wait, this was the season where Lost was new. That explains why it sucked. The only good part was the ending with SpyMommy and then the NotVaughn incident (which I replayed about 100 times and STILL have it on my TiVo b/c it was THAT GOOD).

But now, not so much. The cast has abandoned you. You let Jennifer marry Ben Afleck of all people and reproduce. Shouldn’t there have been some clause with a heavy financial penalty against such things? Then you people wrote it into her storyline even though her eggs were taken from her and then they burned in a Covenant lab. REMEMBER THAT DETAIL, JJ? Well, your team of drunken monkey writers apparently forgot that too. Or maybe your team of writers has been hanging out too much with the cast of Lost and drinking a lot, only they are smart enough to avoid being pulled over. Or maybe they don’t get DUI’s b/c they’re monkeys and can’t reach the pedals…. Something to ponder, for sure.

This season is still better than Season 4, but not by much. I’ll just have to get my Alias fix by watching re-runs of S1 and 2. And hope that you don’t screw up the ending too badly.

Very bitterly yours,
Erin

P.S.
Would you really quit with the month long hiatus shit? First Lost and now Alias?!?!?! No Alias until February?!?!?! It’s bad enough that after May, we won’t have any more Alias at all – but you guys actually need a month break? What for, rehab? To actually FIGURE OUT a closure for the show that makes sense? For all our sakes, I hope it’s the latter and not the former.