whiny

I've been trying to write this post for about a week and can't even manage to just get it done.  I am suffering from major whiny-ness and just general blahs.  BLAH.  And I don't know how to get past it.  Work is very blah (mind-numbingly, which is probably a bit part of the problem).  And then my IM training.  I'm getting my workouts done but there is a ridiculous amount of whining being done on my end.

For example:  the past Tue/Th bike workouts have been 1:30 or 1:40 in duration - and HARD.  This means I either have to get up at 5 AM to get it done before work.  Or I ride after work (6 PM) and then I don't eat dinner until 8, go to bed at 9, and get up at 5 AM for swim practice.  Ick.

Once I'm actually doing the workout, I'm fine and I'm doing well.  But getting to the workout is terrible.  I don't know if I'm burned out (shouldn't be) or tired (probably).  What I do know is that I have ~14 weeks until taper and I'd better get my shit together.

Really, I think if I was sleeping better, I'd be less whiny. I don't know why I'm not sleeping better (I'm blaming my cats) but the lack of sleep is getting to be soul crushing.  I'm getting to work and I'm just so tired that I want to stare at a wall and do nothing.  This is bad because I'm only up to 13-14 hours a week of training.  If I'm a zombie now.... I don't want to see how bad it is in 2 months.

I'm trying my usual motivation tricks.  Some new clothes.  New nutrition to try (Osmo and Feed Zone portables).  I got a bunch of new music to listen to.  And I joined a women's cycling club in Boulder so I'd make new friends and see new places on my bike.  That's all fine.  What I'm having a hard time with is the mental game.  The weeks upon weeks of workouts.  Days (sometimes twice a day) of workouts.  Always doing.  Always being tired.  For 4 months.

Maybe this is what happens when you're training for your 3rd Ironman and its an easier race on home turf? Its a challenge, but in the way that St George or CDA terrified me.  I have targets for Boulder and I want to do well, but I don't quite have the same fire under me.  Last year it was "I need to get going or I won't finish my race".  Every week I had a workout that was new and challenging.  I was seeing growth.  This year I'm still growing - my workouts are definitely more intense than they were at this point last year.  But I know the course and it doesn't terrify me.  The wind and heat terrify me, but I know that I can't control those things, so I'm really not spending much mental energy on it.

So, I'm just trying to find a way to stop being whiny.  Stop being tired.  And find my happy place in between the workouts.  If I don't, its going to be a long 4 months.